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Updated Sunday 21 February, 2010 12:15 PM |
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SNAKE OIL
By Doctor What
Chapter Eighteen
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer. ~Author Unknown
**
March 9, 2017
An old TV – dusty and obviously well-used.
A flicker of light – and then the screen erupts with pictures.
A second later –the sound kicks in.
“And welcome back to CNN! Up on the next hour – an in-depth analysis of the financial markets tumultuous ride and how it affects you. With oil at just under 28 dollars a barrel and pharmaceutical companies stocks plummeting, is it time for a bail-out? Carrie Lee brings us the full story.
On the religious front, Pope Clement XV broke his six week silence on his views on the Visitors with this statement –“
The screen shifted to show a silver haired man in remarkably simple papal clothing. A caption appears beneath the man – Pope Clement XV – and he begins to speak. It is in Italian but a translator voiceover can be heard.
“How can we rule out that life has developed elsewhere? Just as we consider earthly creatures as a brother and sister why should we not talk about an extraterrestrial brother? It would still be part of creation. Such a notion doesn't contradict our faith because aliens would still be God's creatures. Denying the obvious existence of the Lytasians would be like putting limits on God's creative freedom. But I still continue to believe that God is the creator of the universe and that we are not the result of chance."
The screen shifted to show the CNN host again.
“Upon hearing what has come to be known as ‘The extraterrestrial is my brother’ decree, ‘Bob’, spokes-alien for the Visitors, invited the Pontiff on quote ‘A really awesome ride around the solar system’ unquote, adding ‘—and we’ll even make him drive!’.
In other news, President McDonald flipped the switch on the first fusion generator installed in the continental U.S. –“
The screen shifted to show President McDonald standing with a group of engineers. One of the Lytasians is standing nearby, smiling.
With great fanfare, McDonald steps forward and stands in front of a control panel. He rolls up his sleeves as if he’s about to engage in some strenuous activity – eliciting a round of laughter from the assembled crowd – and then takes a step forward.
With exaggerated care, McDonald presses a large red button on the control panel.
With a cacophony of lights and sound, the control panel lights up.
The screen shifts back to the CNN host.
“The new powerplant – located just outside New Jersey – is now said to be fully operational and generating just over 20,000 megawatts of power. That is four times more than all the power stations at Niagara Falls and nearly ten times the power of Hoover Dam. The fusion powerplant – dubbed ‘SunRise Generating Plant’ -- is expected to reach its full capacity of 30,000 megawatts within 2 weeks.
An additional eleven powerplants are currently in the process of being constructed and connected to the national grid. Those eleven – located in California, Texas, Florida, Ohio and Nevada, among other states – are expected to be slowly placed online within the next four to twelve weeks.
In other news, New Jersey Governor Louise Holligan announced that twelve power plants in the state – mostly fossil fuel and nuclear powered plants - will be shut down at the end of the year.”
The TV screen flickers with static and the channel suddenly changes to show a different host. He’s seated at a desk. Another man – this one tall, lanky and blonde – is seated across from him.
The host turns and faces the camera.
“Welcome back to the Hannity Show. So- the Lytasians. They’ve been here for just six weeks and sure enough –thousands of American workers have already lost their jobs. The Lytasians – or as everyone is calling them – the Visitors – are all things to all people. Some of called them –“ – and here Hannity makes an effort to not roll his eyes in disgust – and fails miserably -- “—saviours of mankind. Others have less flattering things to say. Some are calling for the wholesale—“ – once again a failed attempt at trying to keep himself from rolling his eyes in disgust – “—sharing of information and technology with all, including former and current enemies. Some have strong opinions of exactly what that would entail. One of those is Christopher Nuttal. Mr. Nuttal was formerly the UK Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs before being demoted to –“
“…er…I prefer cabinet shuffle…” says Nuttal.
“—demoted to the post of Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State for Transport – a position he held for just one week before being demoted once again –“
“…transfer for personal reasons…”
“—demoted once again – this time to…what was that again, Mister Nuttal?—“
Nuttal pauses for a long moment before replying in a quiet voice.
“Minister for London.”
“Minister of London! Imagine that! Now Mister Nuttal—just what do you think about Prime Minister Anderson’s decision to punish you like this?”
“Well—as far as I’m concerned, the PM can just go fu–“
The screen is covered with static and the station changes again.
Three people are seen at a desk – two obviously are commentators, the last one clearly uncomfortable at being in front of the camera. A BBC logo can be seen at the bottom corner of the screen.
One of the anchormen turns to face the camera.
“And we are awaiting with baited breath the arrival of the first interstellar spacecraft to be delivered by the Lytasians. The PM and other invited guests are assembled at the viewing platform. There has not been a crowd this large and this excited since the Manchester United Cup win of 2012 over Milan!”
“I respectably beg to differ, Michael” replies the second anchorman. “The Cup win over Săo Paulo in 2015 was clearly cause for more excitement than the 2012 win.”
“I stand corrected, Nigel. Now with us to explain some of the details about the spaceship is Cambridge professor Doctor Peter Duffet-Smith. Welcome professor!”
“Thank you. It’s great to be he—“
“And I’ve just been informed by our on-site correspondent that the space ship will be making its first appearance at any moment!”
The view shifts and alters and we are now seeing the city of London laid out before us.
Above the city, a small dark object can barely be made out.
The object flashes and then begins to grow larger.
As it gets closer to the ground, we can hear the men speaking over the images.
“We have been told by the Home Office that this spaceship is actually armed with three lasers. Is that correct, Doctor?”
“Yes—they’re used to destroy any potentially harmful asteroids or meteors—“
“So—it’s a space battleship, then?”
“Well—I wouldn’t exactly call it a battleship –“
“Nigel—are you able to see any markings on the space battleship?”
“I’m afraid I can’t – the battleship appears to be of a uniform dull gray colour.”
“What a dreadful colour.”
The spaceship is now much closer to the ground and slows down until it is now hovering several hundred feet above the ground.
The spaceship is rectangular shaped and obviously bears a lot of similarities to its larger cousins in orbit.
However—on closer inspection –one begins to notice subtle signs that this spaceship is…less advanced.
It looks weather-beaten, somehow.
A tad clunky.
A bit beat-up.
Slightly rust-buckety.
It looks…old.
Functional—but still nevertheless -- old.
The anchormen are still speaking.
“She looks like a beaut, don’t she?”
“Indeed she does. She’s just hanging there in the sky.”
“Precisely the same way that bricks don’t, eh?”
The two anchormen laugh.
“Can you give the specifics on the spaceship, Michael?”
“Indeed I can.
This Lytasian space battleship is over
900 feet long or 274 meters, which is as long as 29 double-decker buses, and its
antimatter fuel tank is the size of 18 Olympic swimming pools, yet due to their
advanced nanotechnology, it weighs only as much as thirteen African elephants"
“Impressive achievement.”
“Indeed it is. Wouldn’t you agree, Doctor?”
“Well, I – “
“Sorry to interrupt you Doctor, but we’ve been told that the PM will be giving a speech momentarily.”
The view shifts and we are now back in the studio.
The two anchormen are still smiling while the Doctor looks, if anything, more uncomfortable than he looked earlier.
“Now Doctor,” asks Michael, “I was wondering if you are able to tell us just how fast the ship can go?”
“Ah!”, replies the Doctor, a smile on his lips. “That would be my pleasure! The spaceship can go at maximum speed nearly sixty times the speed of light!”
Michael and Nigel stare at the Doctor for a long moment, then stare at each other, and then return their gaze back to the Doctor.
“What’s that in speed of a Boeing 747?”
Doctor Duffet-Smith stares in astonishment at the two men and opens his mouth as if to say something – and then he seems to remember at the last minute that he’s still on TV.
His shoulders sagging, Doctor Duffet-Smith sighs deeply.
“About one million times faster than a Boeing 747,” replies the Doctor, visibly rolling his eyes.
“Now THAT is impressive! Wouldn’t you say that’s the case, Nigel”
“Indeed it –“
The TV screen turns off with a click.
We hear a voice speak very quietly in the darkness.
“Time to start my back-up plan.”
~~
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