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Updated Sunday 15 May, 2011 12:18 PM |
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This Day in Alternate History Blog
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SNAKE OIL
By Doctor What
Chapter Twenty-Two
A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. - Senator Everett Dirksen
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January 20, 2018
Wang Zhuang grunted and slowly sat down.
He was having a bad day.
Pulling out a water bottle, Zhuang sucked in a few tablespoons of fluid through the straw.
It wasn’t water he was drinking; far from it, in fact.
Zhuang had gone to considerable trouble and expense and arm twisting but he managed to have a bottle of Fenjiu Liquor brought in on the last resupply trip. Even now, the clear, crisp and aromatic liquor was relieving a great deal of stress and tension from his body.
Smuggling alcohol was by no means tolerated by the People's Liberation Army Air Force. Zhuang knew that he had broken an incredibly long list of rules and regulations just by smuggling the bottle. Drinking while on duty, which he was doing right now, would have no doubt earned him a prison sentence – or worse – back in the Old Days.
Zhuang didn’t care, for three reasons.
His name – if translated into English (not that Zhuang cared anything about the yáng guǐzi Americans or anything else to do with them) – would translate as roughly ‘Robust King’. And true to form – Zhuang’s personality did tend to lean quite a bit towards his namesake.
Zhuang also held the rank of Shang Xiao (roughly on par as Colonel if he was in the military services of the capitalistic American running dog foreign devils) and was also the Commander of Tsien Hsue-shen Base and all eight of its personnel. This afforded him the opportunity to exercise a few ‘quirks’ that his masters back home were willing to tolerate – or at least pretend they did not know about.
The last reason Zhuang didn’t care was because he trusted his eight men implicitly and knew they would never breathe a word back home.
And home was now about – Zhuang paused briefly and made some quick calculations in his head – precisely 358,994 kilometers away.
Zhuang stood up and unsteadily began to walk towards the main habitation module.
He walked unsteadily partially because he was a bit tipsy but mostly because the one-sixth gravity of the Moon still took a bit getting used, despite all his time on the base.
As Zhuang walked slowly but surely onwards, he gave a lot of thought on his place in the Cosmos and how he came to be in this situation.
Tsien Hsue-shen Base was a series of pressurized modules precisely 58.2 meters in length, 73.15 meters in width and – counting the underground chambers that had been dug out – 27.4 meters from top to bottom.
When it was completed, it was considered the pinnacle of China’s space dream. They had started their first tentative steps into space in 2003 and in the same amount of time that the capitalistic American running dog yadda yadda yadda had started their Moon Program and then abruptly ended it, China managed to accomplish what was deemed impossible and not only landed a Man on the Moon but constructed a moonbase as well.
It had required a great deal of time and money and sacrifice – Zhuang paused briefly to give a moment of silence for his friend Yang – but after all-- is not the meaning of success merely a series of sacrifices and hard work that accomplishes your goal at the end?
And it was worth it. Zhuang had been sure of it.
And after all that work, Tsien Hsue-shen Base had officially gone ‘online’ (as the capitalistic American yadda yadda yadda would say) on January 18, 2017.
And three days later the Lytasians had appeared.
As the Americans would say – “That sucked”.
To be fair, the Lytasians had been useful to China.
Granted -- the Lytasians had deliberately snubbed China and the foreign devils had been just as secretive in sharing the technology with China as their alien benefactors.
But the floodgates had been yanked open and nobody – not even the damn Americans – could hold back the flood.
China had managed to acquire some of the new technology.
Some of the tech had been bought legitimately, shockingly enough.
Some of it had been stolen.
Other bits and pieces had been acquired through …less savoury…methods.
Some of that technology had been incorporated into the moonbase or into China’s military or into China proper. Rice yields for the current year was expected to break new records, for example, thanks to many of the new genetically engineered plants that had been created from the new technology.
China was going to reap the benefits from Contact one way or the other – Beijing was going to make sure of that.
But they were mere crumbs.
Tiny morsels.
Leftovers from the banquet that the Western powers had received.
And that – more than anything else – made Zhuang furious.
We are one of the oldest civilizations on the planet! We invented paper, printing, the compass, gunpowder, bears – everything! And now – we are a third rate nation again! And all because the damn aliens decided to cut us off!
Still grumbling under his breath, Zhuang walked into the main habitation module.
Zhao Tao and Wu Hao were there, eating some rations and watching a TV screen mounted on the wall.
The TV was tuned to CNN.
That too may have been a breach of a few rules but Zhuang couldn’t care less at this point.
The two technicians glanced up and quickly moved aside, leaving a space for their commander directly in front of the TV.
Zhuang sat down and turned up the volume.
“Welcome back on this historic day! The one year anniversary of First Contact! We will continue to bring you retrospectives on the changes that have happened to our world in the last year but first – back to the launching of the Earth Alliance ship Odyssey!”
The screen cut to a shot obviously being transmitted from Earth orbit.
The Odyssey was dramatically illuminated by a series of spotlights coming – and here Zhuang had to take another sip of his Fenjiu Liquor lest he drove his fist through the screen – from two Lytasian ships on either side of the Odyssey.
It looked to Zhuang almost like two parents standing on either side of a small child just as it was taking its first steps.
Arrogant bastards thought Zhuang, taking another sip of his liquor.
Zhuang paused for a moment, trying to remember which bastards - the aliens or the ‘Earth Alliance’ – that particular curse had been aimed at.
He wasn’t sure himself.
Meh—both of them then! he thought, taking another sip of liquor just to be on the safe side.
He noticed out of the corner of his eye the two technicians staring with avarice at his bottle.
Never let it be said that a commander does not know how to take care of his men thought Zhuang, as he passed the bottle to them.
He turned his attention back to the TV as the two men sipped greedily from the bottle.
One of the newscasters – the one with the strange beard –was talking while the images were being shown.
“The Odyssey – nearly 900 feet long – is the first ship to be sent out into space by Earth. Containing 33 officers and 327 enlisted men, technicians and civilian scientists – the Odyssey has just returned from a two week shakedown cruise of the solar system, starting with a reconnaissance mission of the planets Saturn, Neptune, Uranus and Pluto, as well as a series of tests of the ship’s systems. Now—fully confident that the ship is ready – the crew will embark on a historic eighteen month long tour of the galaxy.
Earlier today, we spoke via hologram to the First Officer, Lieutenant Michael Baldwin, formerly Special Assistant Advisor to the President for Alien/Human Policy Affairs.”
The screen pulled back to show the reporter standing in the studio. There was a brief flickering of light and a three dimensional image of a tall dark haired man of about forty years old or so appeared, staring directly (if a bit confusingly) at the reporter. He was clearly uncomfortable being on camera but seemed determined to try to make the best of it.
“Now Lieutenant Michael Baldwin – what can you tell us will be the mission of the Odyssey?”
Lieutenant Michael Baldwin cleared his throat and began to speak.
“Quite simply—to test the capabilities of the Odyssey, to examine the local star systems and, if possible, to contact several of the alien races that exist nearby.”
“So you will be visiting all of the nearby systems?”
That seemed to get a snicker from Baldwin.
“Well—there are over 1400 star systems containing over 2000 stars just within fifty light years of Earth. It’s going to take us a lot longer than eighteen months to visit all of those. For this particular mission, we will –reluctantly – confine ourselves to just those systems within 20 light years. Even so –there are 83 known star systems within that distance and –with a bit of luck - we are hoping to visit about a third of those systems with this mission. The G type stars – uh, that is, those stars that are very similar to our Sun – will be the first stars that we will be visiting.”
“Fascinating Lieutenant – God speed on your journey.”
“Thank you.”
The screen cut back to the Odyssey, now slowly moving out of Earth orbit.
The camera began to slowly zoom towards the ship until it filled up the entire screen.
Then the camera began to slowly pan along the length of the ship in a majestic beauty shot.
The theme song from E.T. The Extra Terrestrial began to play, slowly rising to a crescendo.
Zhuang rolled his eyes and snatched the water bottle away from the two technicians and swallowed the remainder of the liquor in one gulp.
Eventually – and not a damn moment too soon! thought Zhuang – the music ended and the camera pulled back to show the entire ship.
Lights began to appear near the rear of the ship.
Slowly the light got brighter and brighter and then –
A ‘disk’ of pure white light suddenly appeared, easily several miles across.
And then – just as suddenly – the ship flew towards the disk…
…and vanished.
A cheer rose up from the people in the studio.
Zhuang rolled his eyes once again and shut the TV off.
After a moment’s pause, he snapped off the ‘on’ button of the TV and flung it dramatically across the room.
At least – it would have been dramatic if he had done this on Earth.
Unfortunately, in the Moon’s lesser gravity, the button sort of bobbed up and down in a long slow arc and bounced off the ceiling and one wall before lazily –and in Zhuang’s mind, rather mockingly – falling to the floor.
The two technicians saw all this and were about to comment on this when they saw Zhuang’s facial expression.
They wisely decided that silence was the much safer response.
Growling softly, Zhuang began to walk back to his quarters.
“Sir?”
The technician standing outside Zhuang’s quarters paused briefly to wonder for the 27th time in the last 5 minutes how he had ended up with the potentially fatal job of waking his commander.
Taking a deep breath and idly wondering what he had done in a previous life to deserve this type of death, he knocked on the door again.
“Sir?”
There appeared to be some very faint signs of life coming from behind the door.
“Sir?” said the technician again, just as the door opened.
Gasping in terror and shock, the technician took a step back from the apparition that appeared before him.
Unbidden, some stories that his dear departed great-grandmother used to tell him – to keep him on the straight and true path –came flooding into his mind.
No! NO!! NOOOOO! It’s a…a… kuei-shen! An oni!! A hungry kui!! A horrible, horrible …er…wait a minute…
“What the hell do you want, Airman?” growled Zhuang.
“Er…with respect sir…my rank is Chief Master Sergeant…”
“Only for the moment….”
The soon to be heavily demoted Chief Master Sergeant shut his eyes for a moment to compose himself and then spoke, his words coming out in a rush.
“Apologies sir but there is a message of vital importance for you that urgently requires your attention I’m deeply apologize for disturbing you please please please don’t hurt me I have a wife and two kids…”
“WHAT MESSAGE?”
“Er—that appears to be the very strange thing sir. Uh –we’re not sure who’s it from—but they specifically mentioned your name, sir.”
“What the hell you mean you don’t know who’s it from? Where’s the message coming from?”
“Er—about three million kilometers away, sir.”
“Three…million…kilometers….?”
The technician nodded his head desperately.
Zhuang stared at the technician, a million thoughts vying for control in his mind.
“Not the Americans or an Earth Alliance ship? And not from the Earth?”
A thought suddenly appeared in his mind.
“The Lytasians?”
“We don’t know, sir! Please—come with me to the communications module!”
“Now where the hell is that radio?” screamed Zhuang at the two men in front of him as he walked into the communications module, the technician who had woken him meekly following behind him.
“Here sir!” said one man, passing the radio over to him.
“Ok—who’s this?” said Zhuang into the radio.
“Ah—excellent. The redoubtable Wang Zhuang! Request permission to dock my ship with your base, Commander.”
The three technicians in the room exchanged puzzled and confused glances with one another.
Wang Zhuang was no less confused and puzzled.
“Uh—ship? What ship? Who’s this?”
“All will be explained in a few minutes but for now you may refer to me as … Bob.”
Zhuang and the three technicians stared at each other as if they had just seen – or rather – heard – a ghost.
Zhunag paced nervously near the airlock door.
Before he had what seemed like a million thoughts bouncing around his head.
Now he had what seemed like a billion.
I’ll kill him! No—wait—I’ll steal all the technology off his body—and THEN I’ll kill him! No—best take him back to China—so that we can kill him! No—that’s no good—best thing to do would be to invite all his friends—and then kill them all!
Zhuang was really having a bad day.
His bad day would have been alleviated somewhat if he had been able to contact Beijing and get their orders on what his next move should be but unfortunately the damn radio was broken (again) and he was flying blind here.
After what seemed to be hours, the airlock door opened—and a tall lanky person in a black spacesuit walked in through.
Even upset as he was, Zhuang couldn’t help noticing with a touch of envy just how skintight and thin and lightweight the spacesuit was.
Now THAT’S quality workmanship!
The figure came to a stop before Zhuang and then slowly pulled his helmet off.
Zhuang stepped back, shock and amazement coursing through his body.
It was a Lytasian.
Zhuang had never seen one up close before – only a few tens of thousand people in the Western countries had seen one up close for that matter – but there was no mistaking the appearance.
Zhuang squinted his eyes, knowing full well that he was in that extremely awkward position of knowing he was in the midst of a historic moment – and no clue whatsoever what to say or do.
He decided to go with hello.
“Hello.”
The Lytasian smiled, his blue antennae waving.
“I believe the proper reciprocal greeting is hello as well?”
Zhuang nodded his head.
“Uh—how can I help you?”
The Lytasian grinned again, his blue gums standing out in marked contrast with his white teeth.
“I believe it’s the other way around. The question is—how can I help you?”
Zhuang stared at the alien, really not comprehending what was happening here.
“Am I…am I to understand that your people have changed their minds about not sharing the technology with us?”
The alien laughed – and Zhuang shuddered a bit due to the wrongness of the laugh. It was a laugh—but made not using anything resembling human lungs or vocal cords.
The alien grinned again.
“Alas—we are not of the same faction as those who contacted your planet one of your Earth year ago.”
Zhuang’s eyebrows shot up.
“Faction? You mean—there are different groups of you?”
“But of course!”
The Lytasian stared at Zhuang for a long moment, its head tilted to one side. Grinning again, he spoke again.
“Your planet is divided into various factions, is that not true?”
“Most certainly!”
“And—despite all the best efforts – it is safe to assume that those factions will exist in some shape or form for the next several decades, centuries or even – dare I say – millennia?”
Zhuang—slowly –nodded his head.
“Indeed!” said the alien, cheerfully. “There will always be factions in any group – be they political, economic, social, religious or any of a thousand other factors that exist in your human world. There are factions even within countries that claim to be united and resolute and indivisible!”
Zhuang nodded his head again, still too stunned to speak.
“So what makes you think that,” and the Lytasian paused briefly as if he was unfamiliar with the next word’s meaning or correct pronunciation but was going to give it a shot anyway – “aliens would not be in the same situation?” He smiled again.
It took a few seconds but Zhuang finally found his voice.
“You…you…you are…like a different nation or something?”
The Lytasian smiled.
“Something like that. And we are most displeased that our…colleagues…were amiss in sharing the technology with you. We are here to make amends.”
He paused for a moment.
“For the right price, of course.”
The Lytasian smiled.
After a very long moment, Zhuang smiled as well.
He was having a good day…
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