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Bring it On Home by Steve Payne

Author says: Dover in Kent, 1792: Thomas Paine misses the order for his arrest by just twenty minutes. In this alternate history, he doesn't make the ship to France, but this altered event inspires an English Revolution that overthrows the Royal Family. In this post we mark the death of "a corsetmaker by trade, a journalist by profession, and a propagandist by inclination", two hundred years ago on 9th June 2009. Please note that the opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the views of the author(s).


In 1792, at the Port of Dover in Kent, republican intellectual Thomas Paine was arrested on charges of seditious libel.

In which Common Sense prevails

Paine had been charged with "inflammatory eloquence" at a gathering of the "Friends of Liberty" on September 12th. As he rose to leave, William Blake laid his hand on the orator's shoulder, saying, "You must not go home, or you are a dead man".

Paine planned to flee the country along with his companions Frost and Audibert. However, they never made it to France because the collector of customs had received general instructions to be vigilant, and searched the three men, even to their pockets. Whereupon sealed letters were discovered, given into Paine's charge by the American minister in London, Charles Cotesworth Pinckney. One letter was addressed to the American minister at Paris, the other to a private gentleman; a letter from the president of the United States, and a letter from the secretary of State in America. Whilst his friends attempted to intercede on his behalf, Paine's warrant arrived and he was put under arrest. Had he arrived just twenty minutes earlier, Paine would most likely have missed the order and made it to Revolutionary France.

"Government by kings was first introduced into the world by the Heathens ... It was the most prosperous invention the Devil ever set foot for the promotion of idolatry" On 18th December Paine was charged at The Guildhall, London, that he "being a person of a wicked, malicious and seditious disposition" etc "did publish that the crown of this kingdom was contrary to the rights of the inhabitants" and so forth.

The Attorney-General, who prosecuted, said that he would not read out the many "false, wicked and scandalous assertions" but would read only a few more, such as "to inherit a crown is to inherit the people, as if they were flocks and herds." The famous Thomas Erskine defended Paine but the carefully selected jury, which received two guineas each and a free dinner for a conviction and nothing otherwise, decided to return a verdict of guilty. Paine was hung, and laws were soon passed to restrict free speech and publication. Almost inevitably, martyrdom transformed Paine into a rallying point for English revolutionaries. And so after his death, his revolutionary agenda would overthrow the British monarchy.

"What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly"During the 1960s, Socialist Prime Minister Tony Benn would often refer to Paine's punchy political language and his inspirational quest for accountable government, presenting copies of Common Sense, Rights of Man and The Age of Reason to the visiting Heads of State from Developing Nations.

Author says, considerable amounts of source material have been repurposed from the source articles on History Today Magazine, American Buddha, Atheist Foundation and Wikipedia.

Steve Payne

Editor of Today in Alternate History, a Daily Updating Blog of Important Events In History That Never Occurred Today. Follow us on Facebook and Twitter.

Imagine what would be, if history had occurred a bit differently. Who says it didn't, somewhere? These fictional news items explore that possibility. Possibilities such as America becoming a Marxist superpower, aliens influencing human history in the 18th century and Teddy Roosevelt winning his 3rd term as president abound in this interesting fictional blog.


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