"Farewell to the Magicians"
by Steve Payne
says: what if the Nazis had used their secret weapons as a bargaining
chip? Please note that the opinions expressed in this satirical post do not
necessarily reflect the views of the author(s).
November 19th 1945,
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on this day Adolf Hitler and the
Infamous Lava Man
were both killed after a Schauberger "Repulsine"
engine failure caused their sabotaged Haunebu-type Nazi saucer craft to
crash land on approach to the secret base in New Swabia, Antarctica.
to watch the Nazi UFO Conspiracy on Youtube!
Cornered like a rat in Berlin, the Fuehrer had made a number of
fantastically exaggerated claims for the secret technology with which he
bought his escape from the Third Reich. And having issued upwards of a
thousand emergency passports to German Scientists, the United States soon
discovered that the UFO technology had been oversold, in fact like many
American consumers they found the units exhibited many of the hallmarks of
German products themselves, being over-featured, mostly safe but
In sharp contrast to his fast-talking, spittle-flying claims the Haunebu
model had not transported Nazi Astronauts to the moon in 1942, rather the
Repulsine engine lifted the craft just a few feet off the ground,
permitting Hitler and Goering to engage in a somewhat childish if not
futuristic game of bumper cars. Enraged by the double-cross, American
agents had fixed the Fuehrer by sabotaging his lousy toy craft.
Despite well publicised failures at Roswell and Kecksberg, both the
United States and Canada nevertheless persisted with the programme well
into the 1970s, believing that the levational concept was fundamentally
sound, just requiring the injection of a super fuel to accelerate flight
to supersonic speeds. Finally, a suitable quantity of Element 115
was secured from aliens. Rushed to Area 51 for testing, the infinitely
valuable fuel was then stolen by the pyrotechnic freak
Bob Lazar who exploded the material at one of his annual Desert Storm
Parties before becoming the victim of a mysterious hit and run shooting on
a Las Vegas Highway.
November 22nd 1945,
despite the Infamous Lava Man being too far gone for current
re-animation technology to succeed, the alien scientists at the Secret
Nazi Base in New Swabia, Antartica did manage to bring Adolf Hitler
back to life although admittedly he was hopelessly insane.
Although in its infancy at the time, the technology advanced even
further over the course of the next thirty-six years. Which was
fortunate, because Ronald Wilson Reagan had unwisely ignored the
advice of the Secret Service who urged him to reconsider his personal
safety given the frequent number of recent assassination attempts on
Inevitably, just sixty-nine days after taking office when he was once
again in public view and thus the easiest of targets, Reagan was shot
dead through the heart by John Hinckley, Jr. Waking up at the George
Washington University Hospital surrounded by alien scientists, he
joked "I hope you're all Republicans!". Increasingly unable to
distinguish between the Soviet and alien threats, he later alluded to
the event somewhat obiquely at the United Nations on 21st September
to watch the alien threat speech
In sharp contract to the Gipper's effusiveness however, the Fuehrer's
own ill-tempted gratitude was restricted to a brief pause in which he
expressed his thanks (pictured) before his maniac attention turned to
fixing up his crashed Haunebu-type Nazi saucer craft. During the
repair process, sabotage soon emerged as the suspected cause of the "Repulsine"
Despite their successful attempt to kill Hitler, the American
saboteurs were rapidly reaching the Fuehrer's same conclusion that
world war with the Soviet Union was a necessity if Western
Civilization was to be saved from Bolshevism. And somewhat alarmingly,
when Reagan began to mutter about the Soviet Union being an "evil
empire", it was discovered that the alien scientists had made
unauthorised use of Hitler's biological material as spare parts needed
to effect the repair work.
with Adolf Hitler on the verge of a second physical death at his
frozen Bechtesgarden, alien scientists desperately fought to
reverse the accelerating ageing process that had set in after his
But of course its no good, and by nightfall, his corps of elite
storm troopers mount him on a funeral bier in a Viking longboat
which is set ablaze in the antarctic fyord. Boarding an unmarked
plane, they fly Eva Braun and the Fuhrer's unborn son to the
opening at the South Pole where they enter the hollow Earth and
disappear from history.
The secret base at New Swabia lies abandoned for many, many years.
inter-species warfare breaks out between humans and the
monstrous alien squids, surviving resistance commanders are forced
to search for the one man who might just have the key to
saving life on earth..
November 27th 2010,
on this day surviving resistance commanders raced against time to reach
the reactivated secret Nazi base in New Swabia, Antartica where they
searched for clues that might be hidden in the hopeless stream of
footage showing the tentacles of monstrous alien squids destroying human
Never in the two millenia since Virgil had coined the phrase "Tempus
Fugit" had the term held more resonance. Because despite human
civilization being brought to a state of near-collapse, the all-out
invasion had begun just two weeks before the emergency military
conference was hastily convened.
The event that sparked the crisis was the termination of a technology
sharing alliance which enabled humans and the squids to co-exist
peacefully for the last sixty years. And the cause was the accidental
Jesse Ventura that human scientists had rebuilt the time dilation
device pioneered at Isgarden in the last days of the third Reich by the
In 1968, neo-Nazis had used the original device to create the enemy they
had always imagined, a world-wide conspiracy movement known as the
"Greater Zionist Resistance". Despite the ultimate failure of that
attempt to draw the right-wing support necessary to force a Nazi
victory, the squids feared that scientists would attempt an even bolder
mission to transform human fortunes by changing the terms of engagement
at first contact.
says to view guest historian's comments on this
thread please visit the Today in Alternate History web site.
Steve Payne, Editor of
Today in Alternate History, a Daily Updating Blog of Important Events In
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Imagine what would be, if history had occurred a bit
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