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"Farewell to the Magicians" by Steve Payne

Author says: what if the Nazis had used their secret weapons as a bargaining chip? Please note that the opinions expressed in this satirical post do not necessarily reflect the views of the author(s).

November 19th 1945,

Please click the icon to follow us on Facebook.on this day Adolf Hitler and the Infamous Lava Man were both killed after a Schauberger "Repulsine" engine failure caused their sabotaged Haunebu-type Nazi saucer craft to crash land on approach to the secret base in New Swabia, Antarctica.
Click to watch the Nazi UFO Conspiracy on Youtube!

Cornered like a rat in Berlin, the Fuehrer had made a number of fantastically exaggerated claims for the secret technology with which he bought his escape from the Third Reich. And having issued upwards of a thousand emergency passports to German Scientists, the United States soon discovered that the UFO technology had been oversold, in fact like many American consumers they found the units exhibited many of the hallmarks of German products themselves, being over-featured, mostly safe but ultimately unsatisfying.

In sharp contrast to his fast-talking, spittle-flying claims the Haunebu model had not transported Nazi Astronauts to the moon in 1942, rather the Repulsine engine lifted the craft just a few feet off the ground, permitting Hitler and Goering to engage in a somewhat childish if not futuristic game of bumper cars. Enraged by the double-cross, American agents had fixed the Fuehrer by sabotaging his lousy toy craft.

Despite well publicised failures at Roswell and Kecksberg, both the United States and Canada nevertheless persisted with the programme well into the 1970s, believing that the levational concept was fundamentally sound, just requiring the injection of a super fuel to accelerate flight to supersonic speeds. Finally, a suitable quantity of Element 115 was secured from aliens. Rushed to Area 51 for testing, the infinitely valuable fuel was then stolen by the pyrotechnic freak Bob Lazar who exploded the material at one of his annual Desert Storm Parties before becoming the victim of a mysterious hit and run shooting on a Las Vegas Highway.


November 22nd 1945,

despite the Infamous Lava Man being too far gone for current re-animation technology to succeed, the alien scientists at the Secret Nazi Base in New Swabia, Antartica did manage to bring Adolf Hitler back to life although admittedly he was hopelessly insane.

Although in its infancy at the time, the technology advanced even further over the course of the next thirty-six years. Which was fortunate, because Ronald Wilson Reagan had unwisely ignored the advice of the Secret Service who urged him to reconsider his personal safety given the frequent number of recent assassination attempts on the President.

Inevitably, just sixty-nine days after taking office when he was once again in public view and thus the easiest of targets, Reagan was shot dead through the heart by John Hinckley, Jr. Waking up at the George Washington University Hospital surrounded by alien scientists, he joked "I hope you're all Republicans!". Increasingly unable to distinguish between the Soviet and alien threats, he later alluded to the event somewhat obiquely at the United Nations on 21st September 1987. Click to watch the alien threat speech

In sharp contract to the Gipper's effusiveness however, the Fuehrer's own ill-tempted gratitude was restricted to a brief pause in which he expressed his thanks (pictured) before his maniac attention turned to fixing up his crashed Haunebu-type Nazi saucer craft. During the repair process, sabotage soon emerged as the suspected cause of the "Repulsine" engine failure.

Despite their successful attempt to kill Hitler, the American saboteurs were rapidly reaching the Fuehrer's same conclusion that world war with the Soviet Union was a necessity if Western Civilization was to be saved from Bolshevism. And somewhat alarmingly, when Reagan began to mutter about the Soviet Union being an "evil empire", it was discovered that the alien scientists had made unauthorised use of Hitler's biological material as spare parts needed to effect the repair work.


December 8th 1945,

with Adolf Hitler on the verge of a second physical death at his frozen Bechtesgarden, alien scientists desperately fought to reverse the accelerating ageing process that had set in after his re-animation.

But of course its no good, and by nightfall, his corps of elite storm troopers mount him on a funeral bier in a Viking longboat which is set ablaze in the antarctic fyord. Boarding an unmarked plane, they fly Eva Braun and the Fuhrer's unborn son to the opening at the South Pole where they enter the hollow Earth and disappear from history.

The secret base at New Swabia lies abandoned for many, many years. But when inter-species warfare breaks out between humans and the monstrous alien squids, surviving resistance commanders are forced to search for the one man who might just have the key to saving life on earth..

November 27th 2010,

on this day surviving resistance commanders raced against time to reach the reactivated secret Nazi base in New Swabia, Antartica where they searched for clues that might be hidden in the hopeless stream of footage showing the tentacles of monstrous alien squids destroying human property.

Never in the two millenia since Virgil had coined the phrase "Tempus Fugit" had the term held more resonance. Because despite human civilization being brought to a state of near-collapse, the all-out invasion had begun just two weeks before the emergency military conference was hastily convened.

The event that sparked the crisis was the termination of a technology sharing alliance which enabled humans and the squids to co-exist peacefully for the last sixty years. And the cause was the accidental discovery by Jesse Ventura that human scientists had rebuilt the time dilation device pioneered at Isgarden in the last days of the third Reich by the theoretical physicist Wilhelm Schoemann.

In 1968, neo-Nazis had used the original device to create the enemy they had always imagined, a world-wide conspiracy movement known as the "Greater Zionist Resistance". Despite the ultimate failure of that attempt to draw the right-wing support necessary to force a Nazi victory, the squids feared that scientists would attempt an even bolder mission to transform human fortunes by changing the terms of engagement at first contact.


Author says to view guest historian's comments on this thread please visit the Today in Alternate History web site.

Steve Payne, Editor of Today in Alternate History, a Daily Updating Blog of Important Events In History That Never Occurred Today. Follow us on Facebook, Myspace and Twitter.

Imagine what would be, if history had occurred a bit differently. Who says it didn't, somewhere? These fictional news items explore that possibility. Possibilities such as America becoming a Marxist superpower, aliens influencing human history in the 18th century and Teddy Roosevelt winning his 3rd term as president abound in this interesting fictional blog.


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