The Fascist Flight to Falklands
by Raymond Speer
says: what if the ranting remnants of the British Fascist movement had
fled to the Falklands in 1958? muses Raymond Speer. Please note that the
opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the views of the
On April 5th 1976,Prime
Minister Robert Mugabe of the Confederated Dominions met James Wilson, the
General Secretary and Foreign Commissioner of the British Union of Fascists.
The men were aboard the CD warship _Cougar_, which was anchored in Stanley
harbor in the Falkland Islands.
Speaking a dialect of English that seemed extracted from stage plays about
pirates, General Secretary Wilson seemed ill at ease but pratted on at
length of the social achievements his party had given the Falklands since
the Fascists fled to the Falklands in 1958.
Robert Mugabe, trim and well dressed, had risen from a backbencher in the
provincial parliament of Rhodesia in the space of twenty years to the peak
of the Confederated Dominions Parliament now resident at Westminister, in
London. General Secretary James Wilson wore a wool cap, a thick jacket and
high boots that rose to the knees of his blue jeans, Wilson kept imbiding
from a bottle of brown liquid.
"We kept the faith, b'god," said Wilson. "In the name of good king Dave and
gorgeous Queen Wallis, something had to be done and b'God we did it. Damn
shame there had to be that fighting, but you do not get omelets without
"Are you all nigs?" commented Wilson. "I thought most of the people in the
Confed Dominions were still white, not colored".
Without getting an answer from Mugabe, Wilson spoke on. "That is why King
Dave had to back Sir Oswald Mosley, y'know. PeeEm Baldwin had flatly refused
to let Queen Wallis take the throne and the King's own brother went along
with that. Only the surprise Fascist revolt saved that day.
No sooner did Prince Bertie get the firing squad than old
Liz was proclaimed Queen of Canada, excuse me, the Confederated Dominions.
You bastards staged a Empire wide boycott of us and brought all our trouble.
"Britain's finest hour was when King Dave and Queen Wallis signed the Iron
Pact with Adolf Hitler and we went off with him and Benny Mussolini to
conquer the Russian Slavs. But you Confedders allied with the Americans and
helped the subhumans of the East fight back, and gave them bombs to do it".
Calmly and steadily, Mugabe said: "General Secretary Wilson, I have come to
your islands not to argue with you. I'm here because the press of the world
tell us that there is a famine in the Falklands and that your government is
doing nothing, or perhaps can do nothing, to relieve the problem".
Bleary eyed, Wilson said: "You people say that the King hung himself and you
have locked up Prime Minister Mosley at Dartmoor, as you did to Queen
Wallis. I hear they are both dead now".
James Wilson told Mugabe that he "needs a shit" and a steward came to his
side to escort him to the nearest rest room. When Wilson left, his
associates began yammering.
"We''re only a brigade and a couple ships and an order away from restoring
the Falklands to the Confederation," said the lieutenant minister of defense,
Margaret Thatcher from one of the coalition parties.
"An hour or so more with General Secretary Wilson," said Mugabe, "and I
might be willing to issue that order".
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