Alternate History of Jeb, Dubya and Poppa
Hear, Nature, hear! dear goddess, hear!
Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend
To make this creature fruitful!
Into her womb convey sterility!
Dry up in her the organs of increase,
And from her derogate body never spring
A babe to honour her! If she must teem,
Create her child of spleen, that it may live
And be a thwart disnatur’d torment to her!
Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth,
With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks,
Turn all her mother’s pains and benefits
To laughter and contempt, that she may feel
sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is
have a thankless child!
Lear, Act I, Sc iv.
Coming of the Lords
South America has become famous for many
things over the years. First there are various pyramids and other buildings left
behind from ancient civilisations. Then there is chocolate. Another one of the
world’s favourite drinks is called coffee. Finally, a few countries in South
America had become famous for one other agricultural product called coca. The
plant itself is nothing spectacular, but the product which the plant produces
is. Called cocaine, it had become the choice of illegal drug for many.
Due to the geographical location of
these countries, most notably Colombia, it did not take long before a major
market was found for cocaine. Just like the United States had a major taste for
Colombian coffee, it found a major taste for its cocaine as well. By the
mid-1980s, law enforcement agencies, regardless of level, soon discovered they
had a major battle on their hands. The money made from selling cocaine was
enormous. Because of this fact, not only did drug rings grow, but people were
willing to do anything to get in on the profits.
It was the Reagan Administration which
first decided to take on the drug dealers. The war on drugs thus commenced.
Still, even with the backing of the United States Government, the drug dealers
continued with their trade. Little seemed to effect them. Having said that, the
arrests began to mount up and American jails began to fill with the convicted.
But that was not really the reason why some of the more imaginative characters
looked elsewhere for their drug profits. It was the situation in the illegal
drug industry itself.
The main reason was good old competition. As cocaine smuggling became as common as importing coffee, the price of cocaine in the United States dropped. The price was also kept low by the fact that there were far too many dealers. Soon, the profit margin for the dealers was next to nothing, whilst the drug producers in South America continued to enjoy good fortune. Hence a few of the innovative drug dealers, like two brothers from Texas, headed for Colombia to seek their fortunes.
Birth of Bros Incorp
After it had become clear that the
cocaine industry had become a flourishing protected
business in South America, as mentioned, various characters began heading there
with the intention of getting a piece of the action. Amongst the thousands that
travelled to those countries, few would have noticed two shady American brothers
arrive in 1987. Two years later they would have one of the largest cocaine
operations in Colombia.
Not long after their arrival, the
brothers Jeb and Dubya, met an acquaintance of their father’s one Colonel
Oliver North. North was on the run. He had been ordered to appear before the US
Congress over the Contragate
scandal which the Reagan Administration had found itself in. Being given
$500 000 US and told to disappear, North first headed for Honduras. From there
he became a gun for hire. And it was thanks to that employment North ended up in
Colombia. He, however, found his Columbian drug masters far from civilised.
Nonetheless, be it through his Honduran
or Colombian contacts, North heard of the arrival of two naive Americans in
Colomibia. He also knew who they were. Sensing a unique opportunity to rid
himself of his current distasteful drug masters, North thought that by linking
up with the brothers, a more agreeable lifestyle could be forthcoming. Whether
it be protection given to him from US law enforcement agencies by associating
with Jeb and Dubya, or the thought of the three of them setting up their own
drug business, he did not know at this point. Needless to say, it ended up being
North went to the hotel where the
brothers were staying at in Medellin. There, he discovered, the brothers had
been ripped-off by just about everyone who they had any business with. Still
they had plenty of resources remaining, thanks to the proceeds of several CIA
offshore bank accounts. This was easier than anyone at CIA believed thanks
mostly to the fact that Jeb had gotten the account numbers and passwords from
their father’s dairy.
Thus, as things went, all three more or
less needed each other, but for different reasons. North thought he had found
the partners with the financial backing to join in on the profits of the drug
trade, whilst Jeb and Dubya thought they had found a trusted ally in a country
of scoundrels. Their meeting went well, although there were a few details to
“I thought you two were from Texas?”
“We are, but originally we came from
Maine” replied Dubya. “The family had to relocate. The Maine folks didn’t
like Poppa much.”
“It wasn’t Poppa they didn’t like
bro” corrected Jeb.
“Who was it then?” North inquired.
“Him” as Jeb pointed towards his
“Yeah OK, I got into a fight with the
Governor’s son”, which gained a smirk from North. “Well I was only eight
at the time” protested Dubya.
“And you put him into hospital for three weeks too you dick. No wonder why we had to leave the state” added an unhelpful Jeb.
The War on Drugs
The officer responsible for the war on
drugs, demanded by the President, would become General Colin Powell. Unlike
Reagan’s attempt to take on the drug lords, Powell’s mandate was to widen
the war. Although the operations within American territory would continue, if
not increased, America was to take the war to the drug producers too. This meant
South America and especially Colombia.
One major problem, however, was that
these countries in South America were independent sovereign nations.
Furthermore, some of them were in fact hostile to America on several issues.
Sadly, this also included illegal drugs. Colombia, in reality, had become two
countries on the issue of drugs. Along the coast, the government administration
was reasonably honest, but inland it was another story altogether.
Corruption ran riot. Not only was the
army often in the pay of the various drug lords, but the police and many members
of the judiciary were likewise working for the drug lords. In effect, these
government institutions acted as guards for them, against, not only the
government, but against Marxist guerrillas as well. Needless to say, all this
made the politics of Colombia extremely complicated.
Nonetheless, leaving the politics aside,
Powell concentrated on the military aspects of the Colombian anti-drug efforts.
He concluded that they were pointless. The only chance that the United States
had, short of invading Colombia, was to send forces there to do the job on
behalf of the Colombian government. This,
however, was bound to be rejected and Powell knew it.
Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defence,
wanted something done nevertheless. He called for a major conference where
various heads and experts could give their opinions on the situation. On top of
the list was Powell’s problem of active American intervention in Colombia.
Various ideas were discussed, many with merit, some without, but at least they
were dealing with the problem in a serious manner. Even the Secretary seemed
sensible about it all.
As the delegates narrowed down their
options, a speaker from the CIA went though the various political arrangements
between the numerous groups in Colombia. It made the political realities in
Washington appear simple, honest and honourable in comparison.
“What fools these mortals are” said
Powell in reaction to the CIA briefing.
“What was that General?” asked
“It’s Shakespeare sir” answered
“Is Saddam shaking his spear at us
again? Won’t he ever learn?” Cheney more so stated than asked.
“No Mr Secretary, it’s not Saddam”
“Then which heathen is shaking their
spear at us this time?” asked a confused Cheney
“After the Gulf War, other than these
drug lords, I’d say no one sir. What I said was a quote from an English
playwright. His name is Shakespeare” Powell explained.
“Never heard of him” Cheney
“So I’ve noticed” Powell observed.
The conference continued.
North’s reaction to the news was
quick. He got together a few of his best men and ,with Jeb, took off for the
police station holding Dubya. It did not take long to find it. An arrangement,
costing several thousand US dollars, was made for a break-out. Although the
police on duty could not just hand Dubya over, they would not do anything to
stop the break-out either. North just wanted to fire a few shots harmlessly in
the air, giving the guards an excuse to let Dubya go, walk into the cell and
grab Dubya, but Jeb had other ideas.
Having brought some C-4 explosive with
him, Jeb thought now would be the perfect opportunity to blow something up.
Taking the C-4, Jeb went around to the back of the police station to where
Dubya’s cell was and began to place it on the walls. Warning Dubya to take
cover, Jeb yelled out “fire in the hold!”
A few seconds later, the C-4 exploded
blowing a huge hole in the wall. Alas dirt, bricks and goodness knows what else,
flew everywhere as far too much C-4 was used. Still, Jeb rushed through the huge
gapping hole in the wall. A few seconds later Jeb remerged dragging out an
ungrateful Dubya. North, who was nearby watching this spectacle with the others,
simply shook his head.
Dubya, although covered in dirt and
obviously in shock, said “Man that was freaky. I just got blown up!”
“I think I used a little too much
explosive” Jeb apologised.
“Little?” an annoyed Dubya stated
more than asked.
A frowning North ran up to the brothers
and advised, “Jeb, the idea was to make a small hole, not blow up the entire
freaking police station. We could have walked him out the front door you know
after a few harmless gun shoots.”
“Maybe so, but damn! It’s Fourth of
July Oli, let’s celebrate” a jubilant Jeb shouted.
“I thought it was May 14” a groggy
On the somewhat peaceful drive back to
the Bros Incrop’s compound, North demanded of Dubya “What on earth did you
think you were doing?”
“I only went to the bar for a few
drinks” replied Dubya.
“A few? To you, bro, that means a
dozen or so” Jeb explained
“It does not. I only intended to have
one or two. Then one thing led to another and well you know” Dubya said.
“Oh we know all right. We had to break
your ass out of jail. If you weren’t my brother I’d have left your sorry
butt back in that cell” Jeb stated.
“Even here in Medellin, regardless who you think are, you can’t go around getting drunk, hitting on the Mayor’s daughter, and then crashing into the police chief’s car after a high speed car chase!” an angry North pointed out. After some quiet reflection, North added “It’ll only draw attention to us from the wrong people”.
North did not know it at the time, but his last words would become prophecy.
The tension at the Pentagon just got
higher and higher. As the Colombian Army’s elite anti-drug squad got ready to
launch their attack, the senior staff, Powell and Cheney were watching the
situation develop on monitors in the operations room. Although US Army personnel
were not technically involved, there were several US advisers involved in this
operation, albeit from a safe distance.
The Colombians did a good job under the
circumstances. Being their first operation, however, things were bound to go
wrong. Before they could get completely into position, however, Bros Incorp
guards spotted a couple of the Colombian soldiers in the jungle. Immediately
they opened fire which alerted the others in the drug compound.
It was all too much for some. A few of
the Bros Incorp guards immediately ran for the jungle, but most stayed to fight
off the attackers. A couple of the Colombian soldiers likewise decided it was
far safer to remain where they were hidden and refused to attack. But the man
who found it all far too much was Cheney. At the sound of the first shots,
Cheney grabbed his chest near his heart. A few of the officers present thought
Cheney was doing some patriotic gesture. It was not until Cheney fell out of his
chair and onto the floor, looking very pale, did they realise something was
wrong. By the time the paramedics arrived, Cheney was pronounced dead by heart
Meanwhile, back at the drug compound,
the battle soon took on a life of its own. It did not take long before everyone,
especially Jeb, Dubya and North, were in the think of it. With bullets flying
everywhere, the brothers decided to make a stand.
“Use the safety bro” shouted Jeb.
“The what?” asked Dubya over the
“The safety. You need to turn it off
before you can shoot the gun”.
“On the left hand side near the
trigger” a frustrated Jeb replied.
“There!” as Jeb pointed to the
“I swear how did I get involved with
you idiots? Talk about dumb and dumber” shouted North as he let loose another
burst of bullets. “I should give you two to these Colombians and get the
reward. Then I can use the money to start up my own drug business knowing you
two aren’t around to stuff things up.”
“Kiss my ass Oli!” Dubya shouted.
North never got to reply. Having stood
up, so he could drop his pants and moon Dubya, North was shot several times in
the torso dying instantly. An inspection of the body, in the aftermath of the
raid by the Colombian Army, revealed a tattoo on North’s backside with the
words “kiss this” written across it.
“Holy crap! What’s happened to Oli?
And what’s that on his butt?” a shocked Dubya asked.
“Time to bug out bro” Jeb said
ignoring North’s naked buttocks. “Oli is dead and we’ll be the same if we
don’t leave now!”
After dodging several bullets, fired from desperate Colombian soldiers, both brothers managed to get some distance between them and the battle. It did not take long before the guards likewise followed the example of the brothers and took off for the safety of the jungle. Unlike what was waiting for the guards, however, an escape vehicle had been prudently hidden by North near the drug compound. This, an old Land Rover, the brothers found and drove off to safety. The Colombian Army never found them again.
Bros Incorp Mexico
Having had their cocaine operation
destroyed in Colombia, Jeb and Dubya headed for their secondary base of
operations in Mexico. Although their Mexican operation was only about ten
percent that of the Colombian one, it had only commenced the year before. It was
planed, by the brothers, that they would eventually relocate to Mexico anyway,
as the War on Drugs had started to make remaining in Colombia difficult.
Meanwhile, Mexico had, so far, been immune from the Drug War.
“Looks like Oli did a good job here”
“He sure did bro. Pity we had to leave
him back in Colombia” said Jeb
“How about we call this place
Oliville?” asked Dubya
“Let’s not” replied Jeb
“No bro. How about we don’t have any
sign posts pointing towards us this time?” pleaded Jeb
“What sign posts?”
“Like getting arrested by the local
police again” answered Jeb
“That’s a sign post?”
“Yes bro, that’s a sign post”
“I thought a sign post was a pointy
thing on a post?” a confused Dubya asked.
“I meant it as a metaphor” a
slightly annoyed Jeb explained
“A metaphor you dope. Didn’t you
ever pay attention during English classes?” Jeb asked
“I never liked foreign languages”
“English isn’t a… oh never mind”
a frustrated Jeb said
“So what’s a meta thingy?”
“Metaphor. It’s when you say
something, but mean something else” explained Jeb
“Just like what Poppa does when he’s
“Yes. Something like that” agreed
“Cool. I could be President one day
too eh?” Dubya stated more than asked.
“Yeah, and I could be a state governor” laughed Jeb
Although the American government hated
to admit it, they were still losing the war on drugs. It had also become a
tricky situation where members of the same family were greatly responsible for
the drug trade on one hand, whilst the President of the United States was trying
to stamp it out on the other. As a result of this unusual situation, President
Bush turned to an old confident and remnant from the Reagan Administration; one
Rumsfeld (called ‘Ronald McDonald the
Clown’ to his back) was considered a hands on manager. He liked to get down in
the trenches and run the war from there. Although technically he had no
authority over the various law enforcement agencies battling the drug lords, he
nevertheless carried the full authority of the President. It was thus in this
environment that Rumsfeld organised a special ‘hit squad’ to go after the
drug lords. The legalities of Rumsfeld’s “US Marauders” (as they called
themselves) was, however, another matter altogether.
Nonetheless the Marauders would go into
action almost immediately once they were formed. Several of their first
operations were successful, but they were small time busts. Other agencies had
far more successful ones. As a result, Rumsfeld wanted the biggest bust to take
place in American history. Not only would it prove the Marauders value to the
critics of the Administration, but he would go down in history as a true
As a result of Rumseld’s motivations,
he got authorisation to get all the cooperation he needed from the NSA. The NSA
did not take long, via its enormous resources, to locate some highly suspicious
activity taking place in a Texan city called San Antonio. An extremely large
warehouse seemed to be in operation, even though there appeared to be little
need for it to be so.
Unbeknownst to the NSA, it was in fact,
a major point of distribution for the Bros Incorp American operations. As the
cocaine came across the border from Mexico, or was flown in from the West
Indies, about half it was taken to San Antonio. Hence the activity was
intensive. No one, however, back in Mexico, Texas, or Colombia thought that such
things as mobile phone intercepts and the like were possible. The NSA, however,
It did not, thus, take long before
Rumsfeld got the information that he wanted. Although he knew little about the
actual purpose or importance of the warehouse, he nonetheless ordered the
operation to go ahead. A few days later, the US Marauders were in their
helicopters heading for San Antonio.
“It’s just like Vietnam Chuckie!”
Rumsfeld called out as bullets whistled past his head.
“I wasn’t old enough back then so I
wouldn’t know” replied Captain Chuck Norris
“Well to be honest, I wasn’t there
either. Still I’ve seen several movies about the place” Rumsfeld admitted.
“Swell. Shouldn’t you be somewhere
useful sir; like back on the chopper?” Norris almost pleaded.
“No. My position is with my troops.
Besides I want to get ‘em and get ‘em good. I’ve got me some Southern
redneck in me, I know, I can feel it!” Rumsfeld let out excitedly. “Ok boys,
on a count of three, we’ll rush ‘em”.
Norris gritted his teeth and gave
sergeant Tom Clancy a dirty look.
Clancy gave an idiot grin back at
The five other men present all shock
their heads at Norris betraying their thoughts on the suicide mission.
Regardless what the other members of
Team Alpha thought, up jumped Rumsfeld with his M-16 blazing away. But it was
only Rumsfeld. Not realising that no one else was coming with him, those being
attacked certainly knew it was only a one man offensive. Concentrating their
fire on the madman before them, Rumsfeld took only a few steps before being cut
down in a blaze of glory.
Yet, ironically, the fall of Rumsfeld
got the other Americans going. Although Team Alpha was still pinned down, the
other two teams on Alpha’s flanks moved in on the druggies position. After a
brief fire fight, the druggies were either killed or taken prisoner.
For the US Marauders, though, tempers
got out of hand. Although Norris was supposed to be next in command after
Rumsfeld, Lieutenant Larry Bond and the others were angry that Norris, and the
rest of Alpha Team, did nothing to back up Rumsfeld. Regardless of rank, the US
Marauders was anything like a disciplined unit. Bond seized the initiative and
decided to seek revenge. All, but the members of Alpha Team, were happy to go
along with Bond’s plan.
Falling From Grace
Bond, working through Norris, got
authorisation from Powell to use the resources of the NSA to help track down the
big drug operation in Mexico. NSA, although not happy about it, nonetheless
began the necessary arrangements to get their old spy satellite KH-11 to
commence orbits which allowed it to overfly Mexico. They would have normally
used KH-13 for continental American missions, but a week earlier it had crashed
into an old Soviet satellite and was destroyed. When the NSA chief heard about
the destruction of KH-13 he said “We don’t have to worry about a large
meteorite hitting Earth - it’ll be destroyed long before it hits the planet by
all the space junk up there”.
Of course KH-19 should have been used
for this type of mission, enjoying highly advanced technology and all, but
aliens had stolen it not long after the ultra-modern spy satellite became
operational. The last thing the NSA controllers saw was a large space ship
docking alongside KH-19 followed by two humanoid creatures grabbing hold of the
spy satellite before its transmission ceased. “I’m sure those little green
bastards were giving me the finger” the NSA Satellite Surveillance supervisor
said at the time. Nothing has been seen from the aliens or KH-19 since.
After a few days of surveillance,
however, NSA discovered the location of Bros Incorp’s drug compound. Located
not far from Monterrey, it was within easy reach of Brownsville. The US
Marauders had relocated their activities there since the raid on the Bros’
base at San Antonio. The NSA data was thus quickly transmitted into the hands of
Norris. Although he, along with Alpha Team refused to go on Bond’s crazy
mission, he nonetheless saw them off from their base.
Three helicopters took off at sunset and
headed for Monterrey. Aboard them were Team Bravo commanded by Bond, Team
Charlie commanded by Lieutenant Dale Brown, and Team Delta
commanded by Lieutenant Stephen Coonts. No flight plans were issued to,
nor was permission sought from, any authority: American or Mexican. The US
Marauders were simply out to get revenge by destroying Bros Incorp by all and
any means necessary.
As the three helicopters approached the
Bros Incorp compound, it would be safe to say that there was no prepared
defence. Flying low, the helicopters managed to remain even under the radar
which had been installed to warn the defenders of the approach of any aircraft.
Furthermore, an old Hawk SAM battery, linked to the radar, was always at the
ready, but it would prove to be useless in the forthcoming engagement. In fact,
thanks to the data from the NSA, it was the first item targeted in the coming
Jeb was in the hall playing his electric
guitar around the time of the US Marauder’s approach. Having the amp up loud,
no one nearby could hear anything but Jeb playing Elvis tunes. Ten years ago,
Jeb’s playing was beyond dreadful, but lately he had become occasionally
passible. In a few years time Jeb figured that he could start playing to the
crowds in Monterrey. Those within hearing distance of the hall thought otherwise
however. Still the music made for a
distraction from the sound of nearby rotors.
The first anyone knew something was
wrong was when the Hawk SAM battery exploded. By then, the three Marauder
assault teams were already on the ground and running towards the Bros Incorp
mansion. Although Jeb could not hear what was going on, Dubya certainly could.
Grabbing a machine gun, he and several guards ran towards the explosion. They
never made it to the battery, though, as on the way they came across Coonts’
A fire fight soon began as the US
Marauders opened fire. Dubya quickly ran back towards the house to find Jeb. On
the way he was able to hear Jeb’s guitar playing over the noise of the fire
fight behind him. Not only did Jeb’s playing sound as bad as ever, but things
soon got worse. Dubya could see other figures moving at a distance towards the
south. Thinking the figures meant trouble, Dubya kept running towards the
mansion directed by Jeb’s noise.
“Jeb! Jeb” shouted Dubya as he ran
into the mansion, but there was no response as all everyone could hear was the
guitar. Dubya shouted again his brother’s name as he charged into the hall,
but still no response. In total frustration, Dubya shot out the amp awakening
Jeb to the reality around him.
“What the hell did you do that for?”
Jeb demanded to know.
“I was in a hurry. Hear the shooting
outside?” Dubya answered.
“No wonder with that thing so loud.
You’re going deaf too” Dubya observed.
“I only just got that amp yesterday
you jerk. It was brand new too!” protested Jeb.
“New eh? Well I’ve always wanted to
shoot all your amps and guitars. I’m glad I put this one out of its misery.
You can’t play worth shit” Dubya said stating the obvious.
“Mom always said I could play”
countered Jeb. “She was the one who sent me to music lessons not you.”
“I went to music lessons too you know.
You know I tried the trumpet” Dubya reminded Jeb.
“About the only thing you can blow is
yourself! Mom agreed” said Jeb
“Well these guys shooting our house up
probably work for her. See if they care what Mom thinks about you playing with
yourself” Dubya shouted over an explosion.
“Jesus, what was that?” cried Dubya.
“The Avon lady moron.” Just as Jeb
made his reply, Brown dived into the room through a hole were the windows were
only a second before. Even though Brown had not spotted a target yet, he began
spraying the hall with bullets anyway. He was quickly followed by the rest of
The brothers dived for cover as a gun
battle soon commenced around the ruins of Jeb’s amp.
“That Avon lady sure looks pissed off
about something. She’s also butt ugly” observed Dubya whilst firing his gun.
“Just shoot will you bro” ordered
Jeb. “Great, not only am I getting shot at, had my new amp destroyed, but my
brother is a rocket scientist with an IQ of 10” Jeb surmised as the battle
began to go against the brothers.
At the desperate climax of the gun
battle, Jeb decided he needed his gun. Whilst Dubya thus covered his brother,
Jeb dived for his AK-47. Alas for Jeb he would not make it to his gun. Looking
around to see why his brother was not firing, he saw him laying on the floor in
a pool of blood. Instead of holding the AK-47, he held his guitar like a child
does with a teddy bear.
Dubya began to cry at the sight before him. Jeb was dead. He tried to say a prayer but he could not remember the words. Furthermore he had to do something quick or otherwise he would soon be joining his brother in eternal bliss. As another explosion rocked the room, Team Charlie’s shooting suddenly stopped. Dubya decided to take advantage of the unexpected cease fire and dived through a door. In the confusion, noise, and smoke, Dubya disappeared into the night.
Bros Incorp was smashed to pieces by the
illegal US Marauders raid into Mexico in mid 1992. Although it was successful,
insofar as the largest drug cartel was destroyed, overall it did not achieve all
the success which it should have. Congress in Washington was not at all
impressed by the flagrant disregard for the law. Likewise Mexico voiced its
displeasure via the diplomatic channels. But in the end President Bush was able
to walk away from the raid pleading ignorance. He, however, would become a
casualty of the drug war like many others including Jeb his son.
Donald Rumsfeld would, somewhat
ridiculously, become a hero, albeit a fallen one. He would be posthumously be
awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his leadership of the US Marauders
and for being killed for his country. In fact many in Congress voiced their
opinion that American was better off thanks to Rumsfeld’s sacrifice in more
ways than one.
The actual man in charge of the war on
drugs (although at times he wondered when Rumsfeld would officially take over
his command), Colin Powell, came out of the overall mess with honour. Having
already enjoyed success in the Gulf War, he could finally say that the Drugs
War, even though far from finished, appeared to be winnable. Having said that,
he quietly put the praise (or blame depending whom you talk to) of the US
Marauders raid on Rumsfeld’s head. However, whatever the mistakes or successes
of Powell in 1991, he would survive the fall of the Bush Republican
Administration in 1992 to become a conservative Democrat Vice-President in 1996
and the American President in 2000.
Jeb’s bullet riddled body was
eventually collected by the Mexico military who had dispatched several units,
along with police personnel, to secure the Bros Incorp compound. Certain
investigations are still being conducted into the Mexican Army’s activities
during this time. Several officers, as a result, have ended up in jail for
stealing large quantities of drugs from the compound. Leaving that aside,
Jeb’s body was taken to Mexico City. From there the CIA secretly transported
it back to the United States, where the President had a quiet ceremony, away
from the prying eyes of the media, in Texas. Jeb was then buried at a secret
location on the President’s ranch. Some people, however, believe that Jeb is
still alive and playing in a rock ‘n roll band with Elvis in Mexico.
The last anyone saw of Dubya was during
the attack on the Bros Incorp Mexico compound. After witnessing the death of his
brother, Dubya, with a machine gun in hand, grabbed his Jeep and took off,
abandoning everyone in the process, whilst Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture was
playing loudly on the Jeep’s sound system. As the US Marauders task force had
little in the way of preventing Dubya’s escape, it was assumed that he was
thus successful. Mexican police discovered the Jeep two weeks later in the
mountains not far from the Bros Incorp compound. There was no evidence, however,
of Dubya’s presence. Until this day, the whereabouts of Dubya is still
KH-19 is still missing and is now
considered the first fully documented case of alien abduction. NSA tried to
launch another ultra-modern satellite recently to replace KH-19, this one
designated KH-20, but it crashed into a Proton rocket heading for the
International Space Station. Both the Proton and KH-20 were destroyed in the
crash. The astronauts had to go without vodka for the next few months.
Apparently battery acid was a good substitute, provided it was mixed with Pepsi.
The International Space Station has never reported any sightings of aliens,
although several white elephants have joined the crew after they had drunk
battery acid and Pepsi. Such reports, however, have been heavily edited by NASA
and are well hidden from the public’s eyes.
Lieutenant Larry Bond was promoted to
captain. He is now working in Alaska helping guard the oil pipeline. Captain
Chuck Norris left the employment of the government and took acting classes. He
hopes to be the next Bruce Willis. Sergeant Tom Clancy has likewise left
government service. He is currently studying literacy at UCLA.
News inevitably got out about the Bros
Incorp and the raid upon the compound in Mexico. The timing could not be worse.
A month before the American
Presidential elections, CNN leaked the story. It would be the end for the
President. Already in trouble in the opinion polls, because of concerns over the
economy, the news about his sons being major drug lords, and battles in Mexico
between American forces and those belonging to Bros Incorp, ensured that the
President was slaughtered at the election. Bill Clinton would become the new
President of the United States in 1992. He would, however, have his own
problems: but that is another story for another time and place.