Brothers Incorporated

Updated Sunday 15 May, 2011 12:18 PM

An Alternate History of Jeb, Dubya and Poppa

By David Atwell

Prologue

Hear, Nature, hear! dear goddess, hear!

Suspend thy purpose, if thou didst intend

To make this creature fruitful!

Into her womb convey sterility!

Dry up in her the organs of increase,

And from her derogate body never spring

A babe to honour her! If she must teem,

Create her child of spleen, that it may live

And be a thwart disnatur’d torment to her!

Let it stamp wrinkles in her brow of youth,

With cadent tears fret channels in her cheeks,

Turn all her mother’s pains and benefits

To laughter and contempt, that she may feel

How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is

To have a thankless child!

King Lear, Act I, Sc iv.

The Coming of the Lords

South America has become famous for many things over the years. First there are various pyramids and other buildings left behind from ancient civilisations. Then there is chocolate. Another one of the world’s favourite drinks is called coffee. Finally, a few countries in South America had become famous for one other agricultural product called coca. The plant itself is nothing spectacular, but the product which the plant produces is. Called cocaine, it had become the choice of illegal drug for many.

Due to the geographical location of these countries, most notably Colombia, it did not take long before a major market was found for cocaine. Just like the United States had a major taste for Colombian coffee, it found a major taste for its cocaine as well. By the mid-1980s, law enforcement agencies, regardless of level, soon discovered they had a major battle on their hands. The money made from selling cocaine was enormous. Because of this fact, not only did drug rings grow, but people were willing to do anything to get in on the profits.

It was the Reagan Administration which first decided to take on the drug dealers. The war on drugs thus commenced. Still, even with the backing of the United States Government, the drug dealers continued with their trade. Little seemed to effect them. Having said that, the arrests began to mount up and American jails began to fill with the convicted. But that was not really the reason why some of the more imaginative characters looked elsewhere for their drug profits. It was the situation in the illegal drug industry itself.

The main reason was good old competition. As cocaine smuggling became as common as importing coffee, the price of cocaine in the United States dropped. The price was also kept low by the fact that there were far too many dealers. Soon, the profit margin for the dealers was next to nothing, whilst the drug producers in South America continued to enjoy good fortune. Hence a few of the innovative drug dealers, like two brothers from Texas, headed for Colombia to seek their fortunes.

The Birth of Bros Incorp

After it had become clear that the cocaine industry had become a flourishing protected business in South America, as mentioned, various characters began heading there with the intention of getting a piece of the action. Amongst the thousands that travelled to those countries, few would have noticed two shady American brothers arrive in 1987. Two years later they would have one of the largest cocaine operations in Colombia.

Not long after their arrival, the brothers Jeb and Dubya, met an acquaintance of their father’s one Colonel Oliver North. North was on the run. He had been ordered to appear before the US Congress over the Contragate scandal which the Reagan Administration had found itself in. Being given $500 000 US and told to disappear, North first headed for Honduras. From there he became a gun for hire. And it was thanks to that employment North ended up in Colombia. He, however, found his Columbian drug masters far from civilised.

Nonetheless, be it through his Honduran or Colombian contacts, North heard of the arrival of two naive Americans in Colomibia. He also knew who they were. Sensing a unique opportunity to rid himself of his current distasteful drug masters, North thought that by linking up with the brothers, a more agreeable lifestyle could be forthcoming. Whether it be protection given to him from US law enforcement agencies by associating with Jeb and Dubya, or the thought of the three of them setting up their own drug business, he did not know at this point. Needless to say, it ended up being the latter.

North went to the hotel where the brothers were staying at in Medellin. There, he discovered, the brothers had been ripped-off by just about everyone who they had any business with. Still they had plenty of resources remaining, thanks to the proceeds of several CIA offshore bank accounts. This was easier than anyone at CIA believed thanks mostly to the fact that Jeb had gotten the account numbers and passwords from their father’s dairy.

Thus, as things went, all three more or less needed each other, but for different reasons. North thought he had found the partners with the financial backing to join in on the profits of the drug trade, whilst Jeb and Dubya thought they had found a trusted ally in a country of scoundrels. Their meeting went well, although there were a few details to figure out.

“I thought you two were from Texas?” North asked.

“We are, but originally we came from Maine” replied Dubya. “The family had to relocate. The Maine folks didn’t like Poppa much.”

“It wasn’t Poppa they didn’t like bro” corrected Jeb.

“Who was it then?” North inquired.

“Him” as Jeb pointed towards his brother.

“Yeah OK, I got into a fight with the Governor’s son”, which gained a smirk from North. “Well I was only eight at the time” protested Dubya.

“And you put him into hospital for three weeks too you dick. No wonder why we had to leave the state” added an unhelpful Jeb.

The War on Drugs

The officer responsible for the war on drugs, demanded by the President, would become General Colin Powell. Unlike Reagan’s attempt to take on the drug lords, Powell’s mandate was to widen the war. Although the operations within American territory would continue, if not increased, America was to take the war to the drug producers too. This meant South America and especially Colombia.

One major problem, however, was that these countries in South America were independent sovereign nations. Furthermore, some of them were in fact hostile to America on several issues. Sadly, this also included illegal drugs. Colombia, in reality, had become two countries on the issue of drugs. Along the coast, the government administration was reasonably honest, but inland it was another story altogether.

Corruption ran riot. Not only was the army often in the pay of the various drug lords, but the police and many members of the judiciary were likewise working for the drug lords. In effect, these government institutions acted as guards for them, against, not only the government, but against Marxist guerrillas as well. Needless to say, all this made the politics of Colombia extremely complicated.

Nonetheless, leaving the politics aside, Powell concentrated on the military aspects of the Colombian anti-drug efforts. He concluded that they were pointless. The only chance that the United States had, short of invading Colombia, was to send forces there to do the job on behalf of the Colombian government. This, however, was bound to be rejected and Powell knew it.

Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defence, wanted something done nevertheless. He called for a major conference where various heads and experts could give their opinions on the situation. On top of the list was Powell’s problem of active American intervention in Colombia. Various ideas were discussed, many with merit, some without, but at least they were dealing with the problem in a serious manner. Even the Secretary seemed sensible about it all.

As the delegates narrowed down their options, a speaker from the CIA went though the various political arrangements between the numerous groups in Colombia. It made the political realities in Washington appear simple, honest and honourable in comparison.

“What fools these mortals are” said Powell in reaction to the CIA briefing.

“What was that General?” asked Cheney

“It’s Shakespeare sir” answered Powell

“Is Saddam shaking his spear at us again? Won’t he ever learn?” Cheney more so stated than asked.

“No Mr Secretary, it’s not Saddam” Powell replied.

“Then which heathen is shaking their spear at us this time?” asked a confused Cheney

“After the Gulf War, other than these drug lords, I’d say no one sir. What I said was a quote from an English playwright. His name is Shakespeare” Powell explained.

“Never heard of him” Cheney declared.

“So I’ve noticed” Powell observed.

The conference continued.

Jail Break

North’s reaction to the news was quick. He got together a few of his best men and ,with Jeb, took off for the police station holding Dubya. It did not take long to find it. An arrangement, costing several thousand US dollars, was made for a break-out. Although the police on duty could not just hand Dubya over, they would not do anything to stop the break-out either. North just wanted to fire a few shots harmlessly in the air, giving the guards an excuse to let Dubya go, walk into the cell and grab Dubya, but Jeb had other ideas.

Having brought some C-4 explosive with him, Jeb thought now would be the perfect opportunity to blow something up. Taking the C-4, Jeb went around to the back of the police station to where Dubya’s cell was and began to place it on the walls. Warning Dubya to take cover, Jeb yelled out “fire in the hold!”

A few seconds later, the C-4 exploded blowing a huge hole in the wall. Alas dirt, bricks and goodness knows what else, flew everywhere as far too much C-4 was used. Still, Jeb rushed through the huge gapping hole in the wall. A few seconds later Jeb remerged dragging out an ungrateful Dubya. North, who was nearby watching this spectacle with the others, simply shook his head.

Dubya, although covered in dirt and obviously in shock, said “Man that was freaky. I just got blown up!”

“I think I used a little too much explosive” Jeb apologised.

“Little?” an annoyed Dubya stated more than asked.

A frowning North ran up to the brothers and advised, “Jeb, the idea was to make a small hole, not blow up the entire freaking police station. We could have walked him out the front door you know after a few harmless gun shoots.”

“Maybe so, but damn! It’s Fourth of July Oli, let’s celebrate” a jubilant Jeb shouted.

“I thought it was May 14” a groggy Dubya mumbled.

On the somewhat peaceful drive back to the Bros Incrop’s compound, North demanded of Dubya “What on earth did you think you were doing?”

“I only went to the bar for a few drinks” replied Dubya.

“A few? To you, bro, that means a dozen or so” Jeb explained

“It does not. I only intended to have one or two. Then one thing led to another and well you know” Dubya said.

“Oh we know all right. We had to break your ass out of jail. If you weren’t my brother I’d have left your sorry butt back in that cell” Jeb stated.

“Even here in Medellin, regardless who you think are, you can’t go around getting drunk, hitting on the Mayor’s daughter, and then crashing into the police chief’s car after a high speed car chase!” an angry North pointed out. After some quiet reflection, North added “It’ll only draw attention to us from the wrong people”.

North did not know it at the time, but his last words would become prophecy.

Three’s A Crowd

The tension at the Pentagon just got higher and higher. As the Colombian Army’s elite anti-drug squad got ready to launch their attack, the senior staff, Powell and Cheney were watching the situation develop on monitors in the operations room. Although US Army personnel were not technically involved, there were several US advisers involved in this operation, albeit from a safe distance.

The Colombians did a good job under the circumstances. Being their first operation, however, things were bound to go wrong. Before they could get completely into position, however, Bros Incorp guards spotted a couple of the Colombian soldiers in the jungle. Immediately they opened fire which alerted the others in the drug compound.

It was all too much for some. A few of the Bros Incorp guards immediately ran for the jungle, but most stayed to fight off the attackers. A couple of the Colombian soldiers likewise decided it was far safer to remain where they were hidden and refused to attack. But the man who found it all far too much was Cheney. At the sound of the first shots, Cheney grabbed his chest near his heart. A few of the officers present thought Cheney was doing some patriotic gesture. It was not until Cheney fell out of his chair and onto the floor, looking very pale, did they realise something was wrong. By the time the paramedics arrived, Cheney was pronounced dead by heart attack.

Meanwhile, back at the drug compound, the battle soon took on a life of its own. It did not take long before everyone, especially Jeb, Dubya and North, were in the think of it. With bullets flying everywhere, the brothers decided to make a stand.

“Use the safety bro” shouted Jeb.

“The what?” asked Dubya over the shooting.

“The safety. You need to turn it off before you can shoot the gun”.

“Where’s that?”

“On the left hand side near the trigger” a frustrated Jeb replied.

“Where?”

“There!” as Jeb pointed to the safety switch.

“I swear how did I get involved with you idiots? Talk about dumb and dumber” shouted North as he let loose another burst of bullets. “I should give you two to these Colombians and get the reward. Then I can use the money to start up my own drug business knowing you two aren’t around to stuff things up.”

“Kiss my ass Oli!” Dubya shouted.

North never got to reply. Having stood up, so he could drop his pants and moon Dubya, North was shot several times in the torso dying instantly. An inspection of the body, in the aftermath of the raid by the Colombian Army, revealed a tattoo on North’s backside with the words “kiss this” written across it.

“Holy crap! What’s happened to Oli? And what’s that on his butt?” a shocked Dubya asked.

“Time to bug out bro” Jeb said ignoring North’s naked buttocks. “Oli is dead and we’ll be the same if we don’t leave now!”

After dodging several bullets, fired from desperate Colombian soldiers, both brothers managed to get some distance between them and the battle. It did not take long before the guards likewise followed the example of the brothers and took off for the safety of the jungle. Unlike what was waiting for the guards, however, an escape vehicle had been prudently hidden by North near the drug compound. This, an old Land Rover, the brothers found and drove off to safety. The Colombian Army never found them again.

Bros Incorp Mexico

Having had their cocaine operation destroyed in Colombia, Jeb and Dubya headed for their secondary base of operations in Mexico. Although their Mexican operation was only about ten percent that of the Colombian one, it had only commenced the year before. It was planed, by the brothers, that they would eventually relocate to Mexico anyway, as the War on Drugs had started to make remaining in Colombia difficult. Meanwhile, Mexico had, so far, been immune from the Drug War.

“Looks like Oli did a good job here” Dubya observed.

“He sure did bro. Pity we had to leave him back in Colombia” said Jeb

“How about we call this place Oliville?” asked Dubya

“Let’s not” replied Jeb

“Northville then?”

“No bro. How about we don’t have any sign posts pointing towards us this time?” pleaded Jeb

“What sign posts?”

“Like getting arrested by the local police again” answered Jeb

“That’s a sign post?”

“Yes bro, that’s a sign post” confirmed Jeb.

“I thought a sign post was a pointy thing on a post?” a confused Dubya asked.

“I meant it as a metaphor” a slightly annoyed Jeb explained

“A meta-what?”

“A metaphor you dope. Didn’t you ever pay attention during English classes?” Jeb asked

“I never liked foreign languages” answered Dubya.

“English isn’t a… oh never mind” a frustrated Jeb said

“So what’s a meta thingy?”

“Metaphor. It’s when you say something, but mean something else” explained Jeb

“Just like what Poppa does when he’s President, right?”

“Yes. Something like that” agreed Jeb

“Cool. I could be President one day too eh?” Dubya stated more than asked.

“Yeah, and I could be a state governor” laughed Jeb

Reality Bites

Although the American government hated to admit it, they were still losing the war on drugs. It had also become a tricky situation where members of the same family were greatly responsible for the drug trade on one hand, whilst the President of the United States was trying to stamp it out on the other. As a result of this unusual situation, President Bush turned to an old confident and remnant from the Reagan Administration; one Donald Rumsfeld.

Rumsfeld (called ‘Ronald McDonald the Clown’ to his back) was considered a hands on manager. He liked to get down in the trenches and run the war from there. Although technically he had no authority over the various law enforcement agencies battling the drug lords, he nevertheless carried the full authority of the President. It was thus in this environment that Rumsfeld organised a special ‘hit squad’ to go after the drug lords. The legalities of Rumsfeld’s “US Marauders” (as they called themselves) was, however, another matter altogether.

Nonetheless the Marauders would go into action almost immediately once they were formed. Several of their first operations were successful, but they were small time busts. Other agencies had far more successful ones. As a result, Rumsfeld wanted the biggest bust to take place in American history. Not only would it prove the Marauders value to the critics of the Administration, but he would go down in history as a true patriot.

As a result of Rumseld’s motivations, he got authorisation to get all the cooperation he needed from the NSA. The NSA did not take long, via its enormous resources, to locate some highly suspicious activity taking place in a Texan city called San Antonio. An extremely large warehouse seemed to be in operation, even though there appeared to be little need for it to be so.

Unbeknownst to the NSA, it was in fact, a major point of distribution for the Bros Incorp American operations. As the cocaine came across the border from Mexico, or was flown in from the West Indies, about half it was taken to San Antonio. Hence the activity was intensive. No one, however, back in Mexico, Texas, or Colombia thought that such things as mobile phone intercepts and the like were possible. The NSA, however, knew better.

It did not, thus, take long before Rumsfeld got the information that he wanted. Although he knew little about the actual purpose or importance of the warehouse, he nonetheless ordered the operation to go ahead. A few days later, the US Marauders were in their helicopters heading for San Antonio.

“It’s just like Vietnam Chuckie!” Rumsfeld called out as bullets whistled past his head.

“I wasn’t old enough back then so I wouldn’t know” replied Captain Chuck Norris

“Well to be honest, I wasn’t there either. Still I’ve seen several movies about the place” Rumsfeld admitted.

“Swell. Shouldn’t you be somewhere useful sir; like back on the chopper?” Norris almost pleaded.

“No. My position is with my troops. Besides I want to get ‘em and get ‘em good. I’ve got me some Southern redneck in me, I know, I can feel it!” Rumsfeld let out excitedly. “Ok boys, on a count of three, we’ll rush ‘em”.

“One”.

Norris gritted his teeth and gave sergeant Tom Clancy a dirty look.

“Two”.

Clancy gave an idiot grin back at Norris.

“Three”.

The five other men present all shock their heads at Norris betraying their thoughts on the suicide mission.

“Charge!”

Regardless what the other members of Team Alpha thought, up jumped Rumsfeld with his M-16 blazing away. But it was only Rumsfeld. Not realising that no one else was coming with him, those being attacked certainly knew it was only a one man offensive. Concentrating their fire on the madman before them, Rumsfeld took only a few steps before being cut down in a blaze of glory.

Yet, ironically, the fall of Rumsfeld got the other Americans going. Although Team Alpha was still pinned down, the other two teams on Alpha’s flanks moved in on the druggies position. After a brief fire fight, the druggies were either killed or taken prisoner.

For the US Marauders, though, tempers got out of hand. Although Norris was supposed to be next in command after Rumsfeld, Lieutenant Larry Bond and the others were angry that Norris, and the rest of Alpha Team, did nothing to back up Rumsfeld. Regardless of rank, the US Marauders was anything like a disciplined unit. Bond seized the initiative and decided to seek revenge. All, but the members of Alpha Team, were happy to go along with Bond’s plan.

Falling From Grace

Bond, working through Norris, got authorisation from Powell to use the resources of the NSA to help track down the big drug operation in Mexico. NSA, although not happy about it, nonetheless began the necessary arrangements to get their old spy satellite KH-11 to commence orbits which allowed it to overfly Mexico. They would have normally used KH-13 for continental American missions, but a week earlier it had crashed into an old Soviet satellite and was destroyed. When the NSA chief heard about the destruction of KH-13 he said “We don’t have to worry about a large meteorite hitting Earth - it’ll be destroyed long before it hits the planet by all the space junk up there”.

Of course KH-19 should have been used for this type of mission, enjoying highly advanced technology and all, but aliens had stolen it not long after the ultra-modern spy satellite became operational. The last thing the NSA controllers saw was a large space ship docking alongside KH-19 followed by two humanoid creatures grabbing hold of the spy satellite before its transmission ceased. “I’m sure those little green bastards were giving me the finger” the NSA Satellite Surveillance supervisor said at the time. Nothing has been seen from the aliens or KH-19 since.

After a few days of surveillance, however, NSA discovered the location of Bros Incorp’s drug compound. Located not far from Monterrey, it was within easy reach of Brownsville. The US Marauders had relocated their activities there since the raid on the Bros’ base at San Antonio. The NSA data was thus quickly transmitted into the hands of Norris. Although he, along with Alpha Team refused to go on Bond’s crazy mission, he nonetheless saw them off from their base.

Three helicopters took off at sunset and headed for Monterrey. Aboard them were Team Bravo commanded by Bond, Team Charlie commanded by Lieutenant Dale Brown, and Team Delta commanded by Lieutenant Stephen Coonts. No flight plans were issued to, nor was permission sought from, any authority: American or Mexican. The US Marauders were simply out to get revenge by destroying Bros Incorp by all and any means necessary.

As the three helicopters approached the Bros Incorp compound, it would be safe to say that there was no prepared defence. Flying low, the helicopters managed to remain even under the radar which had been installed to warn the defenders of the approach of any aircraft. Furthermore, an old Hawk SAM battery, linked to the radar, was always at the ready, but it would prove to be useless in the forthcoming engagement. In fact, thanks to the data from the NSA, it was the first item targeted in the coming attack.

Jeb was in the hall playing his electric guitar around the time of the US Marauder’s approach. Having the amp up loud, no one nearby could hear anything but Jeb playing Elvis tunes. Ten years ago, Jeb’s playing was beyond dreadful, but lately he had become occasionally passible. In a few years time Jeb figured that he could start playing to the crowds in Monterrey. Those within hearing distance of the hall thought otherwise however. Still the music made for a distraction from the sound of nearby rotors.

The first anyone knew something was wrong was when the Hawk SAM battery exploded. By then, the three Marauder assault teams were already on the ground and running towards the Bros Incorp mansion. Although Jeb could not hear what was going on, Dubya certainly could. Grabbing a machine gun, he and several guards ran towards the explosion. They never made it to the battery, though, as on the way they came across Coonts’ Marauder team.

A fire fight soon began as the US Marauders opened fire. Dubya quickly ran back towards the house to find Jeb. On the way he was able to hear Jeb’s guitar playing over the noise of the fire fight behind him. Not only did Jeb’s playing sound as bad as ever, but things soon got worse. Dubya could see other figures moving at a distance towards the south. Thinking the figures meant trouble, Dubya kept running towards the mansion directed by Jeb’s noise.

“Jeb! Jeb” shouted Dubya as he ran into the mansion, but there was no response as all everyone could hear was the guitar. Dubya shouted again his brother’s name as he charged into the hall, but still no response. In total frustration, Dubya shot out the amp awakening Jeb to the reality around him.

“What the hell did you do that for?” Jeb demanded to know.

“I was in a hurry. Hear the shooting outside?” Dubya answered.

“Nope.”

“No wonder with that thing so loud. You’re going deaf too” Dubya observed.

“I only just got that amp yesterday you jerk. It was brand new too!” protested Jeb.

“New eh? Well I’ve always wanted to shoot all your amps and guitars. I’m glad I put this one out of its misery. You can’t play worth shit” Dubya said stating the obvious.

“Mom always said I could play” countered Jeb. “She was the one who sent me to music lessons not you.”

“I went to music lessons too you know. You know I tried the trumpet” Dubya reminded Jeb.

“About the only thing you can blow is yourself! Mom agreed” said Jeb

“Well these guys shooting our house up probably work for her. See if they care what Mom thinks about you playing with yourself” Dubya shouted over an explosion.

“Jesus, what was that?” cried Dubya.

“The Avon lady moron.” Just as Jeb made his reply, Brown dived into the room through a hole were the windows were only a second before. Even though Brown had not spotted a target yet, he began spraying the hall with bullets anyway. He was quickly followed by the rest of Team Charlie.

The brothers dived for cover as a gun battle soon commenced around the ruins of Jeb’s amp.

“That Avon lady sure looks pissed off about something. She’s also butt ugly” observed Dubya whilst firing his gun.

“Just shoot will you bro” ordered Jeb. “Great, not only am I getting shot at, had my new amp destroyed, but my brother is a rocket scientist with an IQ of 10” Jeb surmised as the battle began to go against the brothers.

At the desperate climax of the gun battle, Jeb decided he needed his gun. Whilst Dubya thus covered his brother, Jeb dived for his AK-47. Alas for Jeb he would not make it to his gun. Looking around to see why his brother was not firing, he saw him laying on the floor in a pool of blood. Instead of holding the AK-47, he held his guitar like a child does with a teddy bear.

Dubya began to cry at the sight before him. Jeb was dead. He tried to say a prayer but he could not remember the words. Furthermore he had to do something quick or otherwise he would soon be joining his brother in eternal bliss. As another explosion rocked the room, Team Charlie’s shooting suddenly stopped. Dubya decided to take advantage of the unexpected cease fire and dived through a door. In the confusion, noise, and smoke, Dubya disappeared into the night.

Aftermath

Bros Incorp was smashed to pieces by the illegal US Marauders raid into Mexico in mid 1992. Although it was successful, insofar as the largest drug cartel was destroyed, overall it did not achieve all the success which it should have. Congress in Washington was not at all impressed by the flagrant disregard for the law. Likewise Mexico voiced its displeasure via the diplomatic channels. But in the end President Bush was able to walk away from the raid pleading ignorance. He, however, would become a casualty of the drug war like many others including Jeb his son.

Donald Rumsfeld would, somewhat ridiculously, become a hero, albeit a fallen one. He would be posthumously be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor for his leadership of the US Marauders and for being killed for his country. In fact many in Congress voiced their opinion that American was better off thanks to Rumsfeld’s sacrifice in more ways than one.

The actual man in charge of the war on drugs (although at times he wondered when Rumsfeld would officially take over his command), Colin Powell, came out of the overall mess with honour. Having already enjoyed success in the Gulf War, he could finally say that the Drugs War, even though far from finished, appeared to be winnable. Having said that, he quietly put the praise (or blame depending whom you talk to) of the US Marauders raid on Rumsfeld’s head. However, whatever the mistakes or successes of Powell in 1991, he would survive the fall of the Bush Republican Administration in 1992 to become a conservative Democrat Vice-President in 1996 and the American President in 2000.

Jeb’s bullet riddled body was eventually collected by the Mexico military who had dispatched several units, along with police personnel, to secure the Bros Incorp compound. Certain investigations are still being conducted into the Mexican Army’s activities during this time. Several officers, as a result, have ended up in jail for stealing large quantities of drugs from the compound. Leaving that aside, Jeb’s body was taken to Mexico City. From there the CIA secretly transported it back to the United States, where the President had a quiet ceremony, away from the prying eyes of the media, in Texas. Jeb was then buried at a secret location on the President’s ranch. Some people, however, believe that Jeb is still alive and playing in a rock ‘n roll band with Elvis in Mexico.

The last anyone saw of Dubya was during the attack on the Bros Incorp Mexico compound. After witnessing the death of his brother, Dubya, with a machine gun in hand, grabbed his Jeep and took off, abandoning everyone in the process, whilst Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture was playing loudly on the Jeep’s sound system. As the US Marauders task force had little in the way of preventing Dubya’s escape, it was assumed that he was thus successful. Mexican police discovered the Jeep two weeks later in the mountains not far from the Bros Incorp compound. There was no evidence, however, of Dubya’s presence. Until this day, the whereabouts of Dubya is still unknown.

KH-19 is still missing and is now considered the first fully documented case of alien abduction. NSA tried to launch another ultra-modern satellite recently to replace KH-19, this one designated KH-20, but it crashed into a Proton rocket heading for the International Space Station. Both the Proton and KH-20 were destroyed in the crash. The astronauts had to go without vodka for the next few months. Apparently battery acid was a good substitute, provided it was mixed with Pepsi. The International Space Station has never reported any sightings of aliens, although several white elephants have joined the crew after they had drunk battery acid and Pepsi. Such reports, however, have been heavily edited by NASA and are well hidden from the public’s eyes.

Lieutenant Larry Bond was promoted to captain. He is now working in Alaska helping guard the oil pipeline. Captain Chuck Norris left the employment of the government and took acting classes. He hopes to be the next Bruce Willis. Sergeant Tom Clancy has likewise left government service. He is currently studying literacy at UCLA.

News inevitably got out about the Bros Incorp and the raid upon the compound in Mexico. The timing could not be worse. A month before the American Presidential elections, CNN leaked the story. It would be the end for the President. Already in trouble in the opinion polls, because of concerns over the economy, the news about his sons being major drug lords, and battles in Mexico between American forces and those belonging to Bros Incorp, ensured that the President was slaughtered at the election. Bill Clinton would become the new President of the United States in 1992. He would, however, have his own problems: but that is another story for another time and place.

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