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Cowboy Dick shoots his Last Movie by Steve Payne

Author says: what if Dick Cheney was an even more fake cowboy? Please note that the opinions expressed in this post do not necessarily reflect the views of the author(s).

In 2003, ageing fake Cowboy actor Richard B. Cheney began filming his final movie "The Bush Brothers Ride Again" in his native town of Jackson, Wyoming.

A long but controversial career spanning forty years featured a few superficial similiarities to his character of "Cowboy Dick", especially the heavy drinking. Because in November 1962, at the age of twenty-one, Cheney was convicted of driving while intoxicated (DWI). He was arrested for DWI again the following year. Cheney said that the arrests made him "think about where I was and where I was headed. I was headed down a bad road if I continued on that course".

In fact Cheney had been born in Lincoln, Nebraska and his father was a government employee who moved the family to the blue-collar town of Casper in the 1930s.

And his raspy Marlboro Man tone was created by smoking three packets of cigarettes until a heart attack at the age of thirty-seven necessitated some moderation.

But despite the belligerent (and often premptive attacks) on neighboroughing farmsteads, Cheney had no combat background, claiming that he had "other priorities in the sixties than military service".

He claimed to have received deferments to finish a college career that lasted six years rather than four, owing to sub par academic performance and the need to work to pay for his education. Initially, he was not called up because the Selective Service System was only taking older men. When he became eligible for the draft, he applied for four deferments in sequence. He applied for his fifth exemption on January 19, 1966, when his wife was about 10 weeks pregnant. He was granted 3-A status, the "hardship" exemption, which excluded men with children or dependent parents. In January 1967, Cheney turned 26 and was no longer eligible for the draft.

In fact Cowboy Dick did like to shoot, but at helpless small birds such as quails. Ironically, his acting reputation was ruined by an incident when he actually did finally shoot someone. Because on February 11, 2006, Cheney accidentally shot Harry Whittington, a 78-year-old Texas attorney, in the face, neck, and upper torso with birdshot pellets when he turned to shoot a quail while hunting on a southern Texas ranch, an incident ridiculed in the national press (pictured).

Fortunately for all concerned, health issues prevented Cowby Dick from following in the footsteps of Ronald Reagan or Arnold Schwarzneggar by progressing from a series of bad movies into acting out an arch-conservative political career.

Author says content has been repurposed from the source articles in Dick: The Man Who is President (Dick Cheney) by John Nichols (2004) and Wikipedia.
To view guest historian's comments on this post please visit the Today in Alternate History web site.

Steve Payne, Editor of Today in Alternate History, a Daily Updating Blog of Important Events In History That Never Occurred Today. Follow us on Facebook, Myspace and Twitter.

Imagine what would be, if history had occurred a bit differently. Who says it didn't, somewhere? These fictional news items explore that possibility. Possibilities such as America becoming a Marxist superpower, aliens influencing human history in the 18th century and Teddy Roosevelt winning his 3rd term as president abound in this interesting fictional blog.


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