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Updated Sunday 15 May, 2011 12:18 PM |
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This Day in Alternate History Blog
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Sadaam
– the great revenge 1.
Adhere 200% to the truce terms once you have
suppressed the initial risings. Actually
give up ALL WMD [after photocopying the key tech data and burning enough CD’s
or whatever was used in 1991 – you hide these someplace REALLY safe for a year
or two]. Invite in 2,000 Swiss
experts and have them do a meter-by-meter search of the country. Do 96-hour lockdowns by county with armed incorruptible Euro
neutral military providing the cordoning forces. Hire a couple of thousand ex-Euro police, military, techs to
assist in selling off your tanks, jet aircraft, missiles, anything that could
pass as offensive weapons. Sell
them to Pakistan on long-term credits. Do
whatever it takes to get the non-WMD sanctions lifted by proving [not just
alleging, airtight proof, challenge inspections of the Presidential bedroom at 2
AM, whatever it takes] that in this one area you are being a REALLY good boy.
No tricks. You actually plan
to never have WMD [sort of, see below]. 2.
Solve the debts.
Iraq owed everybody. Establish
a fifty-year sinking fund with a portion of the oil revenues used to pay off and
a reasonable interest rate, say LIBOR. Securitize
it with a Swiss trust company as fiduciary.
This gives a lot of players a vested interest in keeping the Baath in
power till these notes are paid off. You
will need friends in the right places. 3.
Keep wartime austerity.
Only Baath cadres and the security forces get semi decent standards of
living. The rest are kept alive and
clothed but little more. Let the
NGO’s scream. You want to
encourage people to leave. Allow
anyone to leave but be QUITE strict on whom you let back in.
Many Iraqis are educated. They
will migrate and provide a Diaspora sending funds back.
Create hard currency stores where their relatives can buy things that are
not in the basic rations and will always remain beyond their purchasing power on
their local currency incomes. The
idea is both the Diaspora, who will be a lobby in their new countries against
invasion however much they hate you, and to build up a giant cash account for
other things. 4.
Rebuild the military as a defensive and
repressive force. The idea is to
have enough AAA, SAM, ATGM, fortifications, mines, etc. to make your cities
expensive to crack. On the other
hand you want to be 300% harmless to your neighbors.
Let the US send U-2’s hourly for all you care.
Establish navigational beacons to be kind to the Anglo planes flying
overhead. Your bad deeds will be
elsewhere. 5.
Build up your petrol production. Pay zero attention to OPEC quotas. Cheat as badly as the Kuwaitis.
Don’t deny it. Claim
justification because of your poverty from your vastly exaggerated war damage
and the vastly exaggerated cost of sanctions, defending yourself and your good
works for the Rejectionist and Islamic causes. 6.
Be kind to your poor Palestinian brothers.
Let as many as wish to come become resident workers.
Allow them to become dual nationals if they choose.
Let Arafat set up military bases and training camps in the desert near
Jordan and Saudi [nowhere near the cities or populated areas – you are not
stupid]. As a whole Palestinians
are well educated but need someplace to live.
They are a propaganda tool and a profit source as you can underpay and
overtax them with impunity. 7.
Chase the Kurds out of Kirkuk and Mosul.
Keep them away from the oilfields. Beyond
that play politics between their factions but leave them alone.
Let the Turks crack down on their separatism.
Every time the Turks have to play stamp and squash, move the Iraqi
checkpoints a few klicks north. Slow
and easy you will gain a buffer zone. 8.
Make Baghdad the new Beirut. Numbered accounts. Shell
corporations. Booze, drugs, women,
boys – you are sin city plus black finance.
Set up a zone, a new city on the fringes for this.
The UN and US will moan but it is within the range of acceptable activity
given the above. 9.
Stomp the Shiia rebels hard. Bring in a few brigades of Korean technicians to help with
the reconstruction – gee you slipped a few tens of K NK spec forces in to get
loyal mercs for the butcher work. US
will complain. UN will make pious
noises. As long as the biggest
weapons they have is copters without guns no one is going to actually do
anything. 10.
Keep your WMD staff on full payroll helping the
Swiss till they pronounce you WMD-less. When
they do find some civilian work for them all at the same salaries.
Once this is established – biotech, specialty chemicals, precision
manufacturing, etc. start building branch plants in Pakistan [1994-95 probably].
The idea is that over time Pakistan will set up the full gamut of WMD
production. You will be very
careful that Iraqi funds only go for peaceful purposes.
However if you are subsidizing Pakistan’s government and economy to the
tune of a few billion a year it should not be hard for your funds to be squeaky
clean while their money and some of your and NK’s techs create the full
spectrum. Gee this is about the
time that the Pakistani secret service is collaborating with the Saudis to set
up the Taliban. Make sure you have
NOTHING to do with that. Keep
careful records to prove it. You
will want these records in a safe place. Use
your Swiss guarantors to do audits of your funds.
Be candid that you have fears some of your people may be moonlighting and
do not want the blame. All very
proper for a reformed sinner. Of
course money is fungible. Make some
investments in NK industrial plants for Iraq.
The excuse is that you are starting a pan-Muslim trade block.
You overpay the NK just enough to fund the techs they give the Pakis but
NOTHING on paper. Nothing by electronic means.
Send a son to NK every 91 days for a conference in a shielded bunker. 11.
When the Paki situation blows after Kargil, you
have enough influence that Musharef winds up dead instead of President.
The nationalist crazy spooks plus the jihadis take over.
Of course, you are just safeguarding your interests.
The techs now take Paki citizenship.
You let their families go but keep your dual use branch plants.
As you are doing major trade Karachi to Basra and there are huge expat
communities on both sides by now it is easy for the final WMD data to be sent
out on a Presidential son’s executive jet while he tours the opening of a new
factory or some such. As you never kept these you haven’t given them to Pakistan
and NK. You have just done trade
between pariahs the way Chile – Israel – Guatemala – South Africa did in
the 70’s.
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